Have you ever attempted an obstacle course? Maybe a lot of us haven’t, and you are probably going to answer no to that question without thinking. But I would put it to you that you have. You have all been put through your paces and challenged to your maximum with some of the most difficult, terrifying and seemingly impossible obstacles. Why and how? Because you are experiencing the most relentless obstacle course ever designed: life.
The crazy thing is that unlike any extreme physical challenge we might be faced with, where we have training, we think about how we might manage and we put in the time and work to prepare for it, in life we hardly get any “training” at all. No one is there just gently building up the challenges so we can practise and hone our skills in managing. We don’t have any dedicated time or sometimes even the recognition from society that this is even necessary. And we don’t get trial runs. We just get landed in it and we are asked to deal with random, unexpected, scary and seemingly relentless challenges every single time we open our eyes and get out of bed.
We are faced with many obstacles created by ourselves, others and the world. If we are not careful, these obstacles can trip us up, make us stop in our tracks and persuade us to give up, or to cope in a way that is not healthy for us. So, what is the answer? Well, there is certainly no way we can learn or be prepared for every and any obstacle that life may throw at us. But we can do some things proactively to prepare…
Our skill set
One day I hope that our skills in managing and coping with life will be taught to everyone from an early age, and that our emotional and mental health in relation to life events will be prioritised by society. Until then, we need to do this proactively for ourselves and to support others to do it too.
What does this tangibly look like? It looks like carving out time to first prioritise and recognise that this is important. Second, it requires us to be open and self-aware – to be curious about what we think, what we feel and why we behave as we do, and what we like about the way we live our lives and what we don’t and what we would like to change. And third, it requires us to ask for support and to start to develop and practise strategies that might help us when life gets tough. That might be more balance and time for yourself, it might be using exercise, music, art, self-expression or an activity. It might be working out what your purpose and passion is, or looking after yourself more with meditation, mindfulness and sleep.
Working out which strategy we can use for which emotion is also helpful. When you are sad, what have you noticed you need to feel better; when you are angry, how can you process it in a healthy and safe way; and when you are anxious, how can you use your body and senses to help release this anxiety?
Expect the unexpected
We all like to think we are in control of our lives and of life, but we are absolutely not. It is great to have goals and objectives, and to aim for things for a sense of purpose. But when we get too rigidly attached to these or how things “should” be done and when they “need” to happen, when and if they don’t, we become disappointed, upset and frustrated. And all of these feelings can make us feel like we just want to give up.
Instead, trying to have a more open and trusting attitude to life and what might happen is much more productive and gives us more space to adapt without getting upset. Allowing and expecting obstacles to our goals or happiness is by far the best attitude to start with. We then don’t waste our energy on resisting the obstacle, but instead use our energy to try to solve it or get past it.
Keep momentum going
Momentum on an obstacle course is everything. When we decide to change something, to try to get over and defeat an obstacle, or to make changes that will make us happier, and then something gets in our way, it can leave us stifled and make us stop. To slow down may be appropriate and necessary if an obstacle presents itself, and to stop for a time to realign our direction and what we are doing and why. But we must try not to let it completely stop us in our tracks for a prolonged time. We somehow need to keep momentum going. How do we do this? We just keep moving in small and steady ways. If we find we can’t do the thing we want, we have to try to find a way of doing something else, or something to a lesser degree. With life, one of the most important things to do when obstacles arise is to just to try to keep going.