As a child, Sahil Afware would cry himself to sleep tormented by the ache of being parted from his identical twin brother.
Sahil, now 32, went into care soon after being born, along with his twin Salman and their sister who was one. They were taken into care as their biological mother was unable to look after them and spent time with foster carers, before being separated.
“Myself, my twin brother and my sister were together in the first two homes, but then we were split up and spent most of our childhood between the ages of seven and 18 not living with each other as we ended up living with three different families because of our situation.
“A decision was made while we were in care to split us up – even me and my twin brother. This is extremely rare, but because of our situation, we went to three different families.”
Having shared a womb and the early part of his life with his identical twin Salman, Sahil remembers that although he experienced many challenges growing up in care such as suddenly moving from London to Leicester, the most difficult part for him was being separated from his siblings, particularly his twin.
“You have to start completely afresh,” he explains. “At the age of seven, I had to go to a new school and I didn’t know anyone and was in a very lonely place. The only continuity you have in your life is your siblings and suddenly, I wasn’t with them any more.
“Being twins, my brother and I were extremely close when we spent our first few years together. We were dressed the same by some of the foster parents we were with and we had a very special bond and it was the hardest thing to be split up from him.
“Myself, my brother and my sister grew up in different environments and didn’t get to see each other or interact very much.”
Sahil says he had a difficult childhood and was badly bullied at school.
“The thing that breaks my heart the most thinking back to when I was a child was that I spent a number of years feeling suicidal,” he recalls. “That is a very heavy thing because when you’re a child, you’re usually full of optimism and surrounded by people who encourage you.
“I wasn’t happy at home and was unhappy at school, was missing my siblings and had never felt so alone in my life.
“People around me probably felt I was playing up and was an angry and argumentative young person. But the reality was that I didn’t feel anyone loved me or cared for me in the world and I spent my nights crying myself to sleep.
“The only peaceful and happy time I had as a child was when I was asleep because that was the only time I wouldn’t feel any pain.”
It was around the age of 14 when Sahil felt incredibly unhappy that he first got in touch with the charity Become, which was then called the Who Cares? Trust. “I didn’t know what to say, but I told them I felt desperate and alone.
Become is a charity for children in care and young care leavers and i has launched its Christmas appeal Together We Care to urge readers to raise £75,000 to support its vital work.
Sahil says from his first contact with the charity, he felt inspired and understood for the first time in his life.
“They invited me to some community hub sessions with other young people from care backgrounds,” he explains. “I finally felt I had people around me who knew how I was feeling as they were in similar situations.”
Through the charity’s work, Sahil was invited to attend Parliament with other young people and spoke at an All Party Parliamentary Group session on children in care.
“It was a pivotal moment – I felt so empowered,” he recalls. “It inspired my life choices and my career path.
“I was given the advice that my way out of my situation was through education. Someone told me: ‘Where you start in life is not necessarily where you will end up.’”
Sahil was inspired to apply to study law at Nottingham Trent University as he wanted to make a difference to people’s lives. However, leaving care and going to university came with fresh challenges and he says he experienced new lows during his first year.
“University was my escapism, but I hadn’t received any advice on what to expect and had never lived away by myself,” he explains. “Alongside university, I realised I had to deal with a lot of trauma and my own mental health as I came to terms with what had happened to me over the past 18 years.”
It was in his second year of university that Sahil and his twin Salman decided to move in together and make up for missing out on a childhood together.
The brothers are still living together today, now in Watford, and Sahil describes them as “the best of friends”. They travel a lot together and are each other’s family and support network. Their sister is still living in Leicester and is now married with three children.
After graduating with his law degree, Sahil received a scholarship to train as a barrister and he then worked for the legal aid agency as he strongly felt everyone should have access to justice.
Over the past five years, he has worked as an adviser and senior private secretary for a number of government ministers including at the Ministry of Justice, the Home Office and now at the Wills Office.
Sahil is a strong advocate and supporter of Become who helped him so much when he needed it and he has raised hundreds of pounds for the charity by running the Big Half Marathon in London for the last couple of years.
“For me, it is always about giving back,” he says. “When I look back at my life, I realised it could have ended up so differently. While I was training as a barrister, a senior lawyer said to me that it was interesting that I was on this side of the law and not the other side.
“That stuck with me because a huge percentage of young people in prisons come from a care background.
“The only reason I am where I am today is because of a handful of people in my life who encouraged and supported me and whenever I felt the lack of parents or primary caregivers or love in my life, they went above and beyond and told me they were there for me.
“I am involved with Become as I am passionate about supporting people who have been through the care system. Life is extremely challenging and has its ups and downs for everyone. But as human beings, we have learned coping mechanisms.
“However, when you don’t have biological parents or people in your life who love you unconditionally, you have to find your own way in life and there are many trauma coping mechanisms and survival skills you use which don’t help you and can find you feeling very alone.”
In the jobs he has done, Sahil has never come across someone else who is care-experienced but he recognises his difference is a strength. “I come with a different perspective and this allows me to be quite candid and honest in my feedback and advice to ministers,” he explains.
“I meet a lot of young people who are full of promise, but have maybe made a mistake in life or are in a vicious cycle where they can’t get out of the criminal justice system.
“I feel strongly about breaking cycles and giving young people opportunities to shine and Become is very close to my heart because it really empowers young people in care and care leavers.”
How to donate
i has launched its 2023 Christmas Appeal “Together We Care” urging generous readers to raise money to help Become give vital advice and practical support to 1,300 children in care and young care leavers.
We initially set a fundraising target of £75,000 but thanks to the generosity of i readers, we now hope to raise £150,000 for the charity.
Click here to read more about what Become does: https://becomecharity.org.uk/
Here’s what your donation can provide:
- £2.50 sends a handwritten Christmas card to a child in care.
- £5 helps a child in care stay in touch with brothers or sisters living apart from them.
- £12 gives Christmas dinner to a young person who recently left care.
- £25 gives a Christmas present to a child in care or young care leaver.
- £45 pays for a young person to travel to Parliament to share their story with interested MPs.
- £50 pays for employment coaching to help someone leaving care find a job.
- £75 provides one-to-one guidance for a young person applying to university.
Click here to donate: www.becomecharity.org.uk/i-appeal