Overseen by new presenter Kiell Smith-Bynoe, tonight’s Great British Sewing Bee special put a festive spin on its indefatigable formula: four celebrity contestants competing for the favour of judges Esme Young and Patrick Grant, amid lots of Christmassy jokes. “Grab your holly, let’s get jolly!” said Smith-Bynoe, before the camera panned out to reveal that his Santa costume was missing trousers. Ho ho ho.
PG-silly tone intact, it was time to meet the sewers. Singer Toyah Willcox, comedian Jessica Knappett and actors Hammed Animashaun and Kerry Godliman might have all been charismatic, but that didn’t necessarily translate into technical capability.
As a reluctant viewer of Sewing Bee in the past, bored by too much rigour and not enough personality, that struck me as excellent news – but even though the cast of diverse creatives brought some genuinely surprising ideas to the table, they couldn’t radically change the show’s rigid three-challenge structure.
The first task was to make a Christmas stocking. Willcox’s black and gold offering was appropriately punk, while Animashaun went for batik fabric to reflect his Nigerian heritage. Though they looked great, Animashaun’s decorative pom poms proved structurally unsound – ditto Godliman’s bells and iron-on stars, which promptly fell off during judging.
Eventually, Knappett’s (less fragile) gold and red design emerged as the winner, with Willcox second, Animashaun third, and poor Godliman coming in last. Still, it didn’t take long for the tables to turn.
As always, the Transformation challenge came next. Charged with making children’s Christmas food-themed fancy dress costumes by repurposing adult puffer jackets (try saying that quickly after a few eggnogs), Knappett and Godliman both went for Brussels sprouts. The inevitable comparison wasn’t kind to Knappett, whose disaster – basically, a smaller version of the original coat with two green flaps – was only highlighted by Godliman’s triumph. “Look at its lovely lush leaves and its big plump body,” said Grant.
In a different kind of disaster, Animashaun’s purple Quality Street costume required him to remove his baby mannequin’s head and arms to put it on – in Grant’s words, “once you’re in it, you’re a Brazil nut caramel for life.” Toyah’s glam rock carrot was mad enough to verge on brilliant, but was ultimately beaten to the top spot by Godliman’s sprout, while Animashaun and Knappett trailed in third and fourth places.
Crafting Christmas day outfits, the celebs were split between high glamour and low effort for their final made-to-measure challenge. But from Willcox’s ice queen ensemble (more Drag Race than Sewing Bee, with its sparkly belt and lace cape), to Godliman’s chic loungewear two piece (“don’t say pyjamas!”), the results were all surprisingly well constructed; eventually diamantes won the day, with Toyah pronounced this year’s winner.
Inverting the programme’s usual skill-to-charm ratio, I found Sewing Bee’s Christmas special to be infinitely more watchable than the normal series – still a bit wet, but altogether less earnest and more giggly. Master sewer viewers might sneer at the celebs’ skills, but amateurs will find their sub-par stitching much more relatable – I know I did.
With Willcox singing us out with a rendition of Zizzi Top’s “Sharp Dressed Man” while the rest of the cast danced around with blow up saxophones, the show ended like some kind of cheesy festive fever dream. Totally camp, marginally less cringey than a joke from a cracker – if there’s a right way to do Christmas specials, Sewing Bee might have sleighed it (sorry).
On the other hand, there’s no getting around the show’s tired formula – notably unaltered, even in this special episode. In Smith-Bynoe, Sewing Bee has landed on fresh blood that it desperately needs. They’ve pinned their hopes on him – but we’ll need a few more episodes to see if he can bring Christmas cheer all year round.