Hark the Herald Scrooges sing! Officially, the worst time of year is upon us; and there’s little escape from the tedious throngs of tinsel clad co-workers, brimming with fake festive cheer. If, like me, the mere mention of December is enough to produce chills a snowman would envy, it might bring some solace to learn that you’re definitely not alone.
As miserable as this is going to make me sound, I absolutely loathe the festive season. I get annoyed by the lights, the tacky tinsel, the smell of cinnamon – and do alcoholic drinks really need that awful mulled makeover? Worst of all are the glaring reminders of “happy family” everywhere – on cards, biscuit tins, bus stops and more. If anybody in the office admits to crying at the perennially naff John Lewis advert, in my books that’s pathetic enough to earn an unfollow on social media, forever.
In addition to being unmarried and childfree, I have an estranged family situation, so haven’t had anything definite to do on Christmas for the past 15 years. Feeling lonely is certainly responsible for why I loathe the festive period, in addition to other sad events, constant reminders of which put me firmly at a polar opposite to the smiling faces everywhere. I’m also that awkward soul who believes gifts should be made, or given from the heart, not because society or shops dictate a day on which to do so. What’s so wintery, wonderful and magical about spending hours in online queues trying to buy a PlayStation?
In previous years, I have tried to plaster on a fake smile and enjoy Christmas, mostly for other people’s sake. I’ve even worked as an Elf in a Christmas grotto, surrounding myself with happy families and repetitive festive cheer – which only made me hate the dulcet tones of Noddy Holder even more.
Undoubtedly, for Christmas grumblers, the worst part of the festive season is the sheer length of it. Perhaps we wouldn’t be as irritated with all the mince-pie themed revelling if it was strictly confined to December only. Around one million elderly people spend Christmas alone, should we be reminding them of impending solitude by stocking chocolate reindeers… in October? This does seem to be a common annoyance (shared by even the least sensible Christmas fans); any special occasion is now long drawn out by internet algorithms and sales targets.
Quite frankly, I’ve had enough of all this pointless pressure, and have now renounced Christmas. It just doesn’t happen in my world. So, how does one successfully lose the Christmas bug and survive the never-ending slew of dodgy jumpers and daft questions, with minimum hair loss and not sinking all the brandy?
Employing a healthy pinch of pity and irony certainly helps. Finding humour in everyday life is also important, as is keeping stress levels to a minimum. I can rejoice that my step count is normal – I am tired as it is and would rather not expend energy runing about like a headless chicken buying presents. Disagreements with boozy aunts? Banished!
These are all small victories, of course, but count them where you can. And don’t forget all the money you’ll save with a merry waltz past the overpriced party food aisle.
People may ask awkward questions about why you don’t want to celebrate. Is being forced to see people I don’t like considered a celebration? I have enough of that at work. Plus, I can spend the day exactly as I please: in comfort and peace, with no arguments over the telly. Someone may ask: “Don’t you feel lonely while everybody else is being happy?” One can feel lonely other days of the year, too, why should the 25th be any different?
Christmas is just another day after all, and millions of people around the world live happily – unaffected by the Santa splurge.
Jules Black is a freelance writer